The final week of pregnancy was awful. I was hot, swollen, uncomfortable and getting really impatient. Logic was telling me this thing can’t stay in there forever but I honestly thought it would never happen. The night before, I went for a walk down the park and I was so grumpy! Waddling along, wingeing and moaning thinking I would feel this awful forever.
The next morning around 7am I got up and there was a”show”. Hooray! Something was happening. All morning I felt a dull groan in my belly and I wandered around the house thinking how excited I was that I would finally meet my baby. I had been warned that these things take time and pre labour could go for hours, days even. I called my parents and sister, Sammy, and told them maybe over night or tomorrow we should have the baby. I had asked Sammy and my mum to be there for the delivery. From what I had seen of labour, it took days and I thought Mick could use the support of another person and maybe they could take shifts. Sammy told me to relax, it would be ages yet. I rang the Birthing Centre and they told me the same thing.
During the final few months of pregnancy, my emotions were pretty steady. Even though we had decided not to find out for sure, we felt better prepared to assume that the baby did have Down Syndrome. That way, there would be nothing that we weren’t expecting. I was still planning to birth at the Birthing Centre and it was a requirement that we have the baby’s heart checked beforehand.
This was understandable. The Birthing Centre is for low risk pregnancies. Babies with DS are at a greater risk of heart conditions, most commonly a hole in the heart at birth. Approximately 40-50% of all children born with DS will have a congenital heart defect. Usually atrioventricular septal defect (AVSD) or ventricular septal defect (VSD). These either correct themselves or require surgery depending on the severity. If the baby had either of these, I would need to birth at another specialist hospital. I booked in for an Echocardiogram at around 28 weeks. Now I was nervous. The baby felt fine, everything felt fine, I felt fine, but every time I’d had a test or scan so far, I’d been given bad news. I knew a heart defect was treatable but I was already a mother and the thought of the baby suffering at all was tugging at my heart strings. This brought all the same negative emotions back up. Back on the roller coaster for another ride.
Before I start telling the story of my 20 week scan, I want to tell the story of what happens when I take Wade out in public. Today I went for breakfast at Marios’ in Fitzroy, where I used to work. If you want to know what the world looks like when everyone is smiling and happy….push a pram with Wade in it. Walking along the street with my happy bundle in his blue glasses who makes eye contact with almost everyone he sees, turns complete strangers into a gooey mess. Almost everyone smiles, some people comment, a few ask questions about the glasses, children giggle at him. Trying to walk along or do the shopping usually results in me having a few conversations with complete strangers, which is lovely. I sat in the front window and sat Wade on the bench so he can look out the window. Watching people’s faces light up as they walked past the window and lay eyes on him and smile, makes me realise how many days he brightened, if only for a minute.
There’s a language warning on this one because sometimes “golly gosh darn it” doesn’t convey the gravity of the situation!
The time between my 12 week and 20 week scan was spent mostly searching forums on the Internet trying to find examples of when test results meant nothing. I would swing wildly between positions of being completely at ease with the possibility of the baby having Down Syndrome then completely in denial about it. These things happen to other people and all that. Continue reading
So, post number 1. A blank canvas. An endless sea of blank white virtual paper in front of me……..
I am starting this blog when Wade is 14 months old. So finally, after the first year is over and maybe some of the lost brain cells that drained out with my breast milk are starting to return, I have got it up and running. So many things have happened up until now and more amazing, beautiful or frustrating crazy things are happening everyday. I want to tell the story from the beginning but I will also put in little stories of things that are happening right now.
Let’s start with my favourite photo of him at the moment.
I had wanted to have children for a very long time and when I met Mick and knew that he was “the one”, having kids was always in the front of my mind. There were things we needed to get done first like buy a house, get settled, plan a wedding and so on. It started to feel like it was never going to happen and I’m far too impatient for my own good. When I want something, I want it there and then. People always say that life is about the journey but mostly I thought that was crap. Once we finally got ourselves together to have a family, it took another 8 months of trying. I know this is actually a reasonably average time for it to take but I wanted kids so badly and every month that went by that I wasn’t pregnant, felt like torture. When I was young, I was constantly told about how easy it is to fall pregnant and you have to be vigilant!! Now, I want to get pregnant and apparently all the planets have to align while someone waves a red flag to the east or something before it will happen. I will admit to not being the loveliest person to be around during this time…. Continue reading