I met a group of mums not too long ago who all have kids a bit older than Wade. As we were talking, a few mentioned how the feelings of grief that some have after diagnosis can reappear at different times, usually around transition times as our kids move from one stage of development to another, like starting school. On an intellectual level, I felt strange about this. In my mind, I have already dealt with the feelings I had around the time of diagnosis. I know that my fears were mostly misplaced and I am so truly in love with who Wade is. I don’t feel like I have lost anything by having Wade. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised this is exactly what has been happening to me over the past few months.
As Wade is getting older, the developmental gap between him and his peers is getting larger. My logical brain tells me that this is ok. I know he doesn’t need fixing or to be made “normal”. I know his value is the same as everyone else regardless of his achievements but as a parent, the universal feeling of not doing enough is a monkey on my back.
I want full inclusion for Wade. I see it as an important goal and one that is not only possible but worth fighting for. The problem is…as Wade is getting older and becoming more of his own person with his own strengths and weaknesses, I am starting to ask myself whether my desire for him to be included in any and every facet of life, is more about me than about him. Trying to balance the concept of “the more I put into Wade’s development the better off he will be” versus “the more I embrace and nurture him for who he is the better off he will be” has been driving me crazy. Continue reading